Neale's Internet Reiki Page

What is Reiki?

Reiki is like a good Swedish massage, but without any touching. A Reiki practitioner is able to channel energy through their palms and into your body, making you feel more energized and relaxed at the same time. In the past, Reiki has been done on bulky Reiki tables which must be carried from place to place, and appointments can be very expensive and time consuming.

This is the first ever long-distance Reiki web page, which applies a Reiki treatment over the Internet while you work on other things.

How does this work?

I have run this web page through advanced software to calculate the total entropy and message digest checksum of the page itself. I have tuned the content of this page to match perfecty a digitized copy of a Reiki session. By its very nature, this web page is able to tap in to the boundless life energy sources surrounding you, the viewer, and focus them into your body.

Does it really work?

I am so confident that this program will work for you that I am willing to pay $5000 to anyone who can demonstrate in a peer-reviewed blind scientific study that this web page is any less effective than a session with a fully-trained Reiki practitioner.

In layman's terms, I'll pay you $5000 if this page can be proven to be any less effective than in-person Reiki.

How do I get started?

This web page is already applying life energy to you as you read it! But to get the maximum benefit, please follow these simple instructions:

  1. Close your eyes.
  2. If you are sitting, put your hands in your lap or on the table. If you are standing, let them hang by your sides. If you are lying down, let your hands fall to your side on the surface you're lying on.
  3. Take slow, deep breaths, in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Try to visualize your body as an empty container, and feel the life energy entering into your body with every breath.
  4. Think about your body relaxing, starting with your toes, moving up to your feet, then legs, torso, neck, then down your arms to your fingertips. As you reach each body part, feel the tension leave as you relax it. As your muscles relax, the life energy will be able to more easily enter them. The energy has an intelligence that will guide it to the areas in most need of help.
  5. Try to stay this way for at least 5 minutes at first, working your way up to 20. Please do not go longer than 25 minutes, as your muscles may become imbued with the life energy and it may cause you to become lethargic, or even fall asleep! There is no permanent danger, of course, since the life energy is benevolent.
Neale Pickett <neale@woozle.org>